Brokenness is Beautiful
I am thankful that the loss of a child is something that a small percentage of the population experience because it is absolutely devastating. Watching a pure and innocent child battle cancer is difficult, but witnessing their call home before your own is crushing. It left me feeling drained, empty, and broken beyond repair. I struggled with many things most people would expect, but one you may not. Why was I still here, What is my purpose? I’m barely living day to day. I cannot meet my own needs. I am emotionally drained, and spiritually taxed. What Lord could you possibly have left for me to do on this Earth? However, I know that if I am here, there is a purpose, but I could not see it or imagine I possessed the strength to fulfill it.
Then one night as I lead a bible study with an amazing group of teenage girls, He really spoke to my heart. The lesson began with “Leave the broken, irreversible past in God’s hands and step out into the invincible future with Him.” By Oswald Chambers. Why was I so ready to cast my life in the trash? That is the view of the world, tossing away the broken, used, or flawed. But God was not ready for that. Scripture tell us that brokenness is beautiful, brokenness breeds hope, brokenness leads to a complete surrender. All because “My grace is sufficient for you.”
God works through the imperfect to carry about his good and perfect will. God loves a humble heart, and what is more humbling than a broken soul crying out to the Lord? He takes our weaknesses and supports them with grace. He takes our broken spirit, and heals it with hope. He takes our fragile and tender state and guides it with mercy. All while using our trials to help serve ourselves and others, not hinder. It is in the darkest valley that God may expose an area which needs his light or break down the walls around us to make us more approachable to others in similar situations. Whatever the situation, God’s grace abounds in those who realize they are lost without it. Many circumstances can leave a person fractured, but remember that brokenness does not exclude us from His works, it almost assures our place in them.
This month we will celebrate Claire’s 9th month in heaven. As each day passes the grief, the pain, and the longing I feel for Claire do not fade. I don’t think they ever will, but I am learning to rely on a source of strength that is not my own. This complete surrender helps me embrace this new and broken life. It led Jordan and I to a wonder new mission in the Claire Parker Foundation. God has placed a desire in our hearts to reach out and support families in situations like ours. It is something few will experience, but the impact is powerful and it should not be faced alone. We desire to bring support and the love of Christ during some of the darkest moments a family may face. Jordan and I are eternally grateful for all the compassion we received, and we feel compelled to show that same level of care to others. Please look around our website, read about our mission and goals, pray for guidance, and donate if you feel called. Claire may be gone, but her memory continues to inspire us.
In Christian Love,