This past weekend I sat in my car at a food lion parking lot watching people run and take shelter from the thunderstorm pouring down on us. I started to think about how the Lord placed the instinctual behavior in us to take shelter. Whenever there is a threat of a thunderstorm, tornado, blizzard, hurricane, or extreme temperature people take cover. We naturally seek protection; the elements may be raging outside, but people are safe in their refuge. Our Father designed us with an innate will to self-preserve. This is as true for our spiritual body as it is our physical one. When the world threatens our physical being we run to shelter, and when our spiritual body is in danger we should seek the Lord. Psalm 91:1-2 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
I am always quick to get out of the rain, but sometimes sluggish in seeking the Lord? If the spirit is more valuable than the flesh why am I slow to seek refuge for it? My soul, my spirit, and my faith have been under siege for more than a year, but increasingly so for the last 6 weeks. Grief is like high blood pressure or a termite in wood. It is a silent killer. The damage is mostly invisible from the outside, but present within. During mourning some people get angry, become emotional, bargain with God, drown themselves in work, hide in an addiction, or relive the situation. However, I seem to draw into myself when the grief continues to come in intense waves. Limiting my reactions with the outside world seems to help me “stabilize” all that is raging on inside of me. My “to do” list sits on a shelf, and I complete only which needs to be done. Hobbies, future planning, extra responsibilities, and social interactions can become too much and drain what little energy I have. At these moments less truly is more.
Matt 5:6 ““Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.”
Grieving is such an exhausting process that I even struggle to have a conversation. This is even true with the Lord. It is a desperate feeling to lack the mental focus to talk with my Savior at the moment at which I most need him. When I open the bible the amount of scripture seems overwhelming, conversational prayer seems taxing, and I am left thirsting for the Lord. I desire to be near to him, to seek refuge in Him, to feel is presence, but I have a hard time making my way to Him. When my mind is in such conflict, I hear my heart just crying out to Him. It is at these times I simply ask God to be with me, read my heart, and help me through. And if all that is too much, I just shed a tear and call on his name. I know He will do the rest. Romans 10:13 "WHOEVER WILL CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED.”
Psalm 34:8 “Taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!”
From the outside the change may not be visible, but I can feel the Lord slowly mending my wounds from this round of mourning. There will never be another one year anniversary for her relapse, a first celebration of her heaven day, or another first Mother’s Day without her, but there will always be another trigger. Grief is now as much a part of me as my daughter. Unfortunately the two will go hand in hand until the Lord calls me home, but I am not afraid. God is with me. He is there to listen to me when I am unable to speak. He is here to show me his grace and glory in this fallen world. He will walk with me when I stray from the path. God is my shepherd and I am his sheep. To him, and only him will I run.
I am sorry for my lack of communication about our foundation. We are currently working with 4 hospitals now. UVA was the newest addition, but we also work with Duke, Roanoke Carilion, and Brenner Children’s hospital. Unfortunately we have recently lost two of our children who battled bravely. We are sad to watch those who loved them mourn their loss, but we rejoice in the healing they have received from the Father. In September of the upcoming school year we will be running a huge fundraiser through local schools called “Reach for the Gold”. I ask that you pray the Lord’s blessing upon this endeavor. More details will be coming shortly. We will also be revealing some new T-shirt designs to help support our foundation. They will be available online, be looking for them shortly!
Thank you for your continued support. Without your love, compassion, and prayers we would not have the strength to continue moving forward with God’s plan of helping others through this foundation. We are eternally grateful and appreciative. God bless.